These last few weeks have been tumultuous in the house. Firstly there was the building tension as rooms filled with the furniture and pots and pans of another life and then came a slow withdrawal and the resulting shift in the tectonic plates of family.
Finally the disruption and ground swell gave way and my son David left home to set up a new home with his lovely girlfriend.
This is not the first time David has left home. He did so once before to go to University but came back earlier than expected! Since then he has been ensconced in his room creating and developing what has now become a highly successful online business. At twenty four he is the director of a Limited Company and it is hard not to be impressed with what he has achieved.
It’s hard too, not to feel a huge David-shaped hole in my life. We have been the best of friends, working at home together and sharing in our successes and failures, and most important of all, our dreams. I miss him but at the same time I’m very excited for him and his future life. As a consequence I find myself in the middle of a range of conflicting emotions that are sometimes hard to pin down and equally hard to deal with. Perhaps it’s why I’m unwell with a horrible cold virus, cough etc
I don’t like the phrase ‘empty-nest syndrome’ or its associations. It’s not adequate for the complexity of feeling and relationship we experience as mothers. It implies a woman without a life apart from her children and I would never define myself in this way. I am not defined by my son but I love him, (just as I love my daughter) and I’m looking forward very much to the new and different relationship that will grow in this altered landscape.For now though I am simply missing him and I feel I have a right to mourn his going.
A bonus for me in all of this is that David has bequeathed me his room! And with help of John I’m about to transform it into a new study. Up until now I have always written in a rather cramped box room, now I’m about to spread my wings – watch this space for pictorial updates…..
Ah! A Room of one’s Own!!
Yes Kathy, as Virgina Wolfe said it’s what every woman writer needs.”Women, then, have not had a dog’s chance of writing poetry. That is why I have laid so much stress on money and a room of one’s own.”
– Virginia Woolf,
Up until now I’ve been lucky to have had a room however small, and money – well I worked for that for 25 years – but this will be something special !!
Lovely post. You never ever stop missing them as living breathing presence(s) but they stay in your heart, your brain and under your skin. Even so, there is a bigger space for you to blossom – and grow – even further. And now you have the Blue Room…wx
Indeed Wendy – and the blue room is about to change colour! x
A wonderful, honest post Avril. I wish your son the best of luck in his enterprise. I love redecorating rooms …something about potential.
My youngest son would have been 38 today, February 28. He moved home many times … The story was very different than the one you have shared with us here.
Thanks for commenting on my Magpie poem last week, which was half-hearted and less than half about phone booths and so much more about connections, as I think you recognized. I think I have reached the end of writing for the prompts.
Ann, despite missing my son, I know how fortunate I am to be sharing a story such as his. Today cannot be easy for you. I am so sorry that your son’s story was such a different one. I realise of course that this is part of your story too . I remember also your Breaking Through poem which we read on the radio and the ‘lance of memory piercing my heart.’ I can only thank you for sharing something of this here.
I look forward to the poetry that will spring from your own prompts and inspiration, although I always think that whatever we write our deep concerns are there sometimes on the surface, sometimes less obvious – perhaps like the connections.
Take care Ax
Hi Avril, When children grow and leave they come back to visit bringing new gifts. I’m always amazed at the people my children have become and at their competence. Meanwhile – you have that room! A room with a view, no less.
You’re right Barb -I too am amazed at the people my children have become and I look forward to their visits. Also the room is coming on well!