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You may know of Brene Brown*, you may have listened via YouTube to her TED talk on vulnerability and shame. I have to admit she was news to me until very recently. I suspect I’ve come late to this party but come I have and I want to share the party with you, especially those of you who like me suffer from doubt about ourselves and our work, or from the disease of perfectionism, from never feeling ‘good’ enough; who suffer from the masks we wear to hide our vulnerability, our fear and discomfort.
Brene Brown opens up the box of this ‘shame,’ of ‘never enough,’ – never good enough, thin enough, successful enough, smart enough etc etc and what it is to be vulnerable and she does it in an honest life enhancing way. In her book Daring Greatly, How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead, she argues that none of us are immune to the issues around vulnerability and as writers we are particularly vulnerable when we ‘put our art, writing, our photography, our ideas out into the world with no assurance of acceptance or appreciation.’ That’s vulnerability for you. The willingness to ‘show up’ to walk into the arena and give it our best shot. ‘What,’ she asks ‘is worth doing even if I fail?’ Good question.
Being vulnerable is not a weakness. Putting ourselves out there means there’s a far greater risk of feeling hurt and afraid. But fear leads to disconnection and lost opportunities. Avoiding vulnerability and emotional exposure will limit our lives.
‘Daring greatly is not about winning or losing. It’s about courage. In a world where scarcity and shame dominate and feeling afraid has become second nature, vulnerability is subversive.’
This is a book which dares us to engage with life wholeheartedly, to embrace the fear and the joy.
I find a lot in that has resonated with me. I’m reading it for a second time. I think it will change some of my thinking and I hope the way I live too. For one thing I might stop worrying so much and feeling so ashamed about not being thin which has really been a lifelong struggle for me.
*Brene Brown is a respected academic who undertook twelve years of research before writing this book.
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Hi April, Jaclyn here :)
Big Paul sent me your blog post this morning . He’s giving me some support as I take hold and try to go forth with a new venture. He told me to get out there and start making mistakes, hence the link to your great post on aiming for rejection! Anyway, as he sent it I was reading Brene Brown’s book “Daring Greatly” …something which you referenced straight after your post! Loving her book, very inspirational.
Hi Jaclyn – so glad you connected and all the very best for your new venture. Fortune definitely favours the brave. Just going for it amounts to sucess. I’m really excited for you – keep me posted Avril